Revolution - Loudmouthbitch Style!

I made this movie, bitches!

Revolution!

George W. Bush: Idiot In-Chief

U-S- Fucking A!
A part of what I will say, was said here on Jan. 31. Unfortunately it is both sadder and truer now than it was then.
“Who’s to blame?” Mr. Bush also said this afternoon, “Look, these folks in Congress passed a good bill late last summer.... The problem is, they let the bill expire. My attitude is: If the bill was good enough then, why not pass the bill again?”Like the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. Or Executive Order 90-66. Or The Alien and Sedition Acts. Or slavery. Mr. Bush, you say that our ability to track terrorist threats will be weakened and our citizens will be in greater danger. Yet you have weakened that ability!
You have subjected us, your citizens, to that greater danger! This, Mr. Bush, is simple enough for even you to understand.
For the moment, at least, thanks to some true patriots in the House, and your own stubbornness, you have tabled telecom immunity, and the FISA act.
You. By your own terms and your definitions, you have just sided with the terrorists. You’ve got to have this law, or we’re all going to die. But, practically speaking, you vetoed this law.
It is bad enough, sir, that you were demanding an ex post facto law that could still clear the AT&Ts and the Verizons from responsibility for their systematic, aggressive and blatant collaboration with your illegal and unjustified spying on Americans under this flimsy guise of looking for any terrorists who are stupid enough to make a collect call or send a mass e-mail.
But when you demanded it again during the State of the Union address, you wouldn’t even confirm that they actually did anything for which they deserved to be cleared.
“The Congress must pass liability protection for companies believed to have assisted in the efforts to defend America.”
Believed? Don’t you know? Don’t you even have the guts Dick Cheney showed in admitting they did collaborate with you? Does this endless presidency of loopholes and fine print extend even here? If you believe in the seamless mutuality of government and big business, come out and say it! There is a dictionary definition, one word that describes that toxic blend.
You’re a fascist — get them to print you a T-shirt with fascist on it! What else is this but fascism? Did you see Mark Klein on this newscast last November?
Mark Klein was the AT&T whistleblower who explained in the placid, dull terms of your local neighborhood IT desk how he personally attached all AT&T circuits, everything, carrying every one of your phone calls, every one of your e-mails, every bit of your Web browsing into a secure room, room No. 641-A at the Folsom Street facility in San Francisco, where it was all copied so the government could look at it.
Not some of it, not just the international part of it, certainly not just the stuff some spy, a spy both patriotic and telepathic, might be able to divine had been sent or spoken by or to a terrorist. Everything! Every time you looked at a naked picture. Every time you bid on eBay. Every time you phoned in a donation to a Democrat. “My thought was,” Mr. Klein told us last November, “George Orwell’s ‘1984.’ And here I am, forced to connect the Big Brother machine.”
And if there’s one thing we know about Big Brother, Mr. Bush, it is that he is — you are — a liar.
“This Saturday at midnight,” you said Thursday, “legislation authorizing intelligence professionals to quickly and effectively monitor terrorist communications will expire. If Congress does not act by that time, our ability to find out who the terrorists are talking to, what they are saying and what they are planning will be compromised.” You said that “the lives of countless Americans depend” on your getting your way.
This is crap. And you sling it with an audacity and a speed unrivaled by even the greatest political felons of our history.
Richard Clarke — you might remember him, sir: He was one of the counterterror pros you inherited from President Clinton, before you ran the professionals out of government in favor of your unreality-based reality — Richard Clarke wrote in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
“Let me be clear: Our ability to track and monitor terrorists overseas would not cease should the Protect America Act expire.
“If this were true, the president would not threaten to terminate any temporary extension with his veto pen. All surveillance currently occurring would continue even after legislative provisions lapsed because authorizations issued under the act are in effect up to a full year.”
You are a liar, Mr. Bush. And after showing some skill at it, you have ceased to even be a very good liar.
And your minions like John Boehner, your Republican congressional crash dummies who just happen to decide to walk out of Congress when a podium-full of microphones await them, they should just keep walking, out of Congress and, if possible, out of the country.
For they and you, sir, have no place in a government of the people, by the people, for the people.
The lot of you are the symbolic descendants of the despotic middle managers of some banana republic to whom “freedom” is an ironic brand name, a word you reach for when you want to get away with its opposite.
Thus, Mr. Bush, your panoramic invasion of privacy is dressed up as “protecting America.”
Thus, Mr. Bush, your indiscriminate domestic spying becomes the focused monitoring only of “terrorist communications.”
Thus, Mr. Bush, what you and the telecom giants have done isn’t unlawful; it’s just the kind of perfectly legal, passionately patriotic thing for which you happen to need immunity!
Richard Clarke is on the money, as usual.
That the president was willing to veto this eavesdropping means there is no threat to the legitimate counterterror efforts under way.
As Sen. Edward Kennedy reminded us in December:
“The president has said that American lives will be sacrificed if Congress does not change FISA.
"But he has also said that he will veto any FISA bill that does not grant retroactive immunity.
“No immunity, no FISA bill. So if we take the president at his word, he’s willing to let Americans die to protect the phone companies.”
And that literally cannot be. Even Mr. Bush could not overtly take a step that actually aids the terrorists. I am not talking about ethics here. I am talking about blame. If the president seems to be throwing the baby out with the bath water, it means we can safely conclude there is no baby.
Because if there were, sir, now that you have vetoed an extension of this eavesdropping, if some terrorist attack were to follow, you would not merely be guilty of siding with the terrorists. You would not merely be guilty of prioritizing the telecoms over the people. You would not merely be guilty of stupidity. You would not merely be guilty of treason, sir.
You would be personally, and eternally, responsible.
And if there is one thing we know about you, Mr. Bush, one thing that you have proved time and time again — it is that you are never responsible.
As recently ago as 2006, we spoke words like these with trepidation.
The idea that even the most cynical and untrustworthy of politicians in our history, George W. Bush, would use the literal form of terrorism against his own people was dangerous territory. It seemed to tempt fate, to heighten fear.
We will not fear any longer. We will not fear the international terrorists, and we will thwart them. We will not fear the recognition of the manipulation of our yearning for safety, and we will call it what it is: terrorism. We will not fear identifying the vulgar hypocrites in our government, and we will name them. And we will not fear George W. Bush. Nor will we fear because George W. Bush wants us to fear.

Don't Be A Fuckwit

Do you really want a relic with a Boner-On-Loaner From Viagra in the White House? I didn't think so...

Just One More Reason I Love Her...

This is an actual text conversation between me and my daughter, LMB Jr:

LMB: We have to go to Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, get the oil changed in the car, grab a few groceries, get your contact lenses, call about detailing the car, get veneers, meet with Hillary Clinton regarding Foreign Policy and Impeach Bush... we are busy women.

LMB Jr: Oh, Ok - good. I thought we might be busy.

LMB: So, you might have to move your meeting at the Whitehouse back to 3:30.

LMB Jr: Ok, I will call Dick Cheney in the morning. Did you forget about Hunger and peace between all nations?

LMB: (referring to my daily calendar) It says right here, end world hunger 1/8/08. Mid East peace 1/19/08. If I prioritize, I might be able to reverse the effects of global warming by April.

LMB Jr: That puts you close to the time we're supposed to go to New York. Don't overplan.

LMB: Well, it might take me a day, two tops, to control the hurricanes. I can deal with glacial melting remotely from my phone, so we're good.

LMB Jr: Cool deal! I’ll take care of national security and get us out of Iraq before we take off.

LMB: That means you finally found Bin Laden. Excellent Work!

LMB Jr: Yea, it seems ____ was performing sexual favors for him to continue being bad. She poses a real threat to world happiness. We need to meet with the senate this week and establish a plan of attack.

LMB: You know what that means, we're gonna have to waterboard her...

My Pumpkins Will Kick Your Santa Ass....

I have a next-door neighbor who insists on decorating three months before an appropriate holiday... As I write this, I still have pumpkins on my walkway (We carved them on Halloween, so they are still good, not a puddle of pumpkin goo...). I staggered out to pick up the paper yesterday morning, and realized my maniacal Martha Stewart already had banners, snowmen and psychotic elves adorning her house. I resisted my first knee-jerk reaction, which was to cut off the jingle bells between Rudolph's legs, and tried to understand her need to go Hyper Holiday.

Did she have visions of sugarplums as a child. Did she fondly remember sitting on Jolly Ol' Saint Nick's lap, happily smelling the spicy aroma of his tobacco pipe on his lapels?

GET OVER IT! IT'S NOT EVEN THANKSGIVING!!

I swear, if she puts her tree and lights up before the 1st of December, I will personally strangle the Ho-Ho- HOE with a string of twinkling lights.

I have MANY Russian families in my subdivision, and I'm cool with that; but I have a redneck neighbor across the street who likes to lecture the little babushkas on what being a "Real American" is all about. In his eyes, the quintessential American has two things:

Warm, substandard beer with breakfast and a Mullet. He is a hopeless red-assed Repuglican. Our ideologies differ dramatically and we've had some spirited political discussions. Because of that, and I am always trying to "enlighten" people, I felt compelled to slap two bumper stickers on my car that he would appreciate:

"Cheney-Voldemort '08" and "When you are old and eating cat food, you can thank a Republican."

As Hillary as my witness - I am gonna change his mind.

Speaking of Hillary - how the hell did she get so derailed over one stupid issue?? The issue is not whether illegals should have the "privilege" to drive in America, it's an attempt to account for how many are in the US. Does it not behoove us to know who these people are? Give them a god damned ID card and shut the hell up. It doesn't hurt anyone and it's a small thing that could make a very big difference.

Hill, if you are reading this, pull up your big girl panties and move on. You have other democrats to beat, a whitehouse to run and the world to rule.

Get busy.

Just A Slob, Like One Of Us...

The Mr. and I had a football party last night. We expected about 15 people and 50 showed up. After all, from time to time we've been known to be what is characteristically labeled as "Cool".

First, someone tried to spill wine on my laptop. (Why don't you just say, "remove my teeth," same effect.) Then, the night reached a crecendo that climaxed with some of the visiting children hugging the shit out of one of my cats. They were playing upstairs and suddenly a wicked stench that can only be described as gagious, hit me in the face harder than Britney Spears' extensions.

My cat had feces on his paws, his tail, his stomach...

Not a kodak moment.

How the hell did this happen? I interrogated the kids, but they didn't know... it happened sometime after he peed on one of the little girls' pant legs.

Now, my Diego is not mongoloid, or brain damaged. He knows what a catbox is. I can only surmise that these demon children tried to hold a secret animal sacrifice in my room and my baby was simply protecting himself. I demurely excused myself from my guests and gave my shiteous cat a bath.

Anyway, we yelled a little too loud, drank a little to much, and stayed up a little later than we should have, so I woke up, pretty much hating Monday like the bastard that it is.

I tried to put off going to work until the last minute, only to be vexed by a crew of construction workers, who must have spent the pre-dawn hours sitting in their work van, smoking a doobie the size of a baby's arm and making monumental stoner decision such as, "Let's get high and go out and direct traffic - what a novel idea!" I was hung over, running late and couldn't wait. I took the backroads and still wound up getting in 5 minutes after I was supposed to be there.

Quitting time, I ran to my car, ready to get the hell home, and found myself locked in my parking spot. If you picture me in the parking lot with cars in front, behind and to both sides, you'd be right. There is a special kind of hell for drivers who do that to you. And I hope there are 4 fiery, bottomless pits waiting for them. Finally, after 15 minutes, even the ridiculous starts to sound sane, but no matter how hard I tried, my car just would not heed my telekenetic plea and levitate. At that point, a woman showed up and moved out of just the right spot - allowing me to wiggle my way out.

Finally, freedom.

Is it Friday yet?

DON'T EVER FORGET 9/11/2001

Weird Newz VOL I

I don't have a problem with exotic names...

Apple, Suri, Story, Talulah, Abcde (pronounced "Absadee") You've heard them all. But when you run out of monstrous monikers and start using symbols, well, there's no delicate way to put this... You're just not being very fucking creative, are you?! A couple is lobbying to have their soon-to-be born son named "@". No, this is not the progeny of The Artist Formerly Known As Prince. According to the Lexiconically challenged parents, @ is closest to the Chinese character for "love him".
Gets you right there, doesn't it? Ever heard of Ken, Or Mike... Maybe even Harry? Jesus Christ on a pickle - why why would you do that to a kid? C'mon. You are sentencing this child to a lifetime of weird looks and taunts. Just picture him out on the playground at school, children gleefully yelling: "Come here, "Around" or "At" Whatever your name is!!! STOP THE INSANITY.

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!

A family's vacation quickly turned into a Gilligan's Island-esqe 3-hour-tour. One minute they were in a water plane, preparing for a landing, the next, doing cartwheels in the water, visions of The Titanic sloshing in their heads. The cabin of the plane quickly filled with cold, dark water. Thankfully, everyone escaped...

except for the youngest son.

Divers tried to reach him, but were unsuccessful. The mother, a true SuperChick, snatched the goggles, and other equipment from the hapless helper and dove in herself.

She saved her son. I'm just guessing here, but I don't think there will be any nasty tell-all books written by this women's kids, ala "Mommy Dearest".

Bitch will be expecting MAJOR props come next Mother's Day.

" A human being's made of more than air - with all that bulk you're bound to see 'em there..."

What? Banks are now offering Room Service? A 73-year-old woman, examining the contents of her safety deposit box, was forgotten and trapped in her bank. Yep, lock the door, turn out the lights... oh, and don't forget their is a human being upstairs on the third floor! The woman, a diabetic, was found unconscious 6 hours later by a startled cleaning lady. The woman ended up being ok, but you can sure as hell bet the next deposit she makes will be a big fat lawsuit against the Bank of Airheadica. is it just me, or can you just see the "help wanted sign being pasted to the front window of the bank, cause you know someone's ass is gonna get canned for this.

Safety Deposit box - $29.00

Value of Contents of Box -$22.95

Making sure everyone is out of the fucking bank before you lock up - PRICELESS.

Bank of America, indeed.